Seven lean years?
Today marks 7 years since my dad went to heaven. I still miss him every day. The first few years were very difficult. I wondered why so soon? Why already now? Why now you?
December 10 and 11 are always difficult days. December 10 always reminds me that you can suddenly get sick. And the 11th that you can die within 24 hours after an aneurysm. My dad fortunately did not have a long sickbed. One drawback is that since that day I have a kind of trauma, that I cannot say goodbye permanently. Fortunately, it doesn't happen often, but it is uncomfortable to face.
After the seven lean years come seven fat years. I don't know if these are literally seven years. Since I went to the WYD in Panama in 2019, I have been happy "every day." So maybe it was only 5 lean years, but still....
Looking back now on the past 7 years without Dad, I can conclude that I have changed in many ways. Not only physically have I gotten older and my interests have changed. I think more that dealing with the loss of my dad has transformed from grief to gratitude. Of course I would love to have my daddy with me. But when I look at what he has done for me, I think I have nothing to complain about. Of course there were clashes at times. That's only natural when you have the same character. But I cherish now mostly the beautiful memories.
There are still so many things we could have done.
I would have liked to tell you so much more.
But whatever I want to tell you,
you will know.
I would have loved to hug you.
To sit on your lap.
But life goes on,
and you watch over me,
until my death.