Slow on the uptake?
I have been concerned with the meaning of my life almost all my life. I have taken various actions to figure out what to do with my life. Often you hear, "God will let you know when the time comes." This is all theory that you can accept in your mind. Another option is to "surrender to the Lord." But then again, no one says how to do that except "Yeah, just do it."
I am now in a moment in my life where I am slowly surrendering to His will. I have experienced a change in my life this year. It is a word that has changed me. I am freer to respond to His voice. The theoretical surrender is slowly becoming a reality in my heart.
I notice that this process has been going on for several years. The theme of the WYD in Panama was "Here I am, the servant of the Lord; Speak your Word in me and let your Will be done" I have remained in contact with my host family in (./tag/sona/]. This contact and learning the Spanish language made me think a lot about the words of the WYD. It has slowly become the foundation of my life.
During these years there have been many beautiful moments. Even though there were the years of COVID. In these years, I have been changed. I can now say to the Lord, "Here I am, like Mary." I am more open to the will of God and I look at the positive side in everything. You can say I'm naive, but that's not how I look at it. It's more a way of letting love lead in my contact with people. Sometimes it hurts, but in the end love wins.
Now that I entrust myself almost completely to Jesus, I already feel a lot freer. I know that He wants me to be happy. I can radiate that happiness to others. I don't have to wait hopelessly for my own plans and then discover, disappointed, that my will is not what God wants yet again. No, I feel so free that I don't have to do anything but live. Not waiting for what is to come, but living in the here and now.
So yes, I am not slow on the uptake. The song below, from the 2019 WYD, has only now landed in my heart. So it is progressive understanding.