A decade without my dear papa

I have experienced a lot over the past few years. You can read and see a lot of that on this blog. If you are an active part of my life then you know that there is also more happening that I don't always want to share publicly. I can remember many things thanks in part to my blog. But some things are not worth remembering. That's what photos are for. Although I am not the kind of person who takes pictures of everything. I often notice that I don't take pictures of certain activities. I keep those memories in my mind. I can't always share them then. But they are often beautiful moments with friends and family that I want to cherish.

I experienced a day 10 years ago that I can still remember perfectly. Namely that my dear dad suddenly passed away. I still remember exactly what happened that day. That can also be read back on this blog. But what happened before or after is pretty vague in my memories. For example, I don't know the last thing I said to Dad. As our former prime minister said, “I have no active memory of that.”

I went through a lot with my dear daddy. Both good and not so good moments. But the good memories still prevail. I actually just want to forget the bad memories of my father. I want to remember him as the strong invincible superhero he was when I was little.

The year following Dad's death has passed like a blur. I have only one memory of 2015. And that is that I launched the Tidal Prayer App. What else happened I have totally forgotten. As of 2016, the memories were coming back. I began to live a little again. Of course with the WYD in Krakow. And the years after that I became fully independent and went to Panama. (If you didn't know this last one, then you are a total stranger to me. 😁) The rest is history let's say.

I notice that the loss of my dad was very intense at first. I remember pretty quickly committing it to God. And the question “Why?” I let go. I notice that missing my dad is wearing off in my life. I sometimes feel proud that I can say I have two fathers in heaven. Namely my father and Our Father. I joke about it. I can't change it anyway. I can hardly go whining to everyone who asks about my father. I just have faith that he is in heaven.

Every year the memories of my father become less. I have to look at the pictures to see what he looked like. Dad's funny little words, which were sometimes quite silly, we called Gijsbertian. But often such sayings still come out crazy. But I can't always recall what his voice sounded like either. For that I have the videos. So luckily we still have the pictures.